My boss came to visit. He seemed to have been bothered by our last phone call. He came to see if there was anything he could help with. A thankful person.
I watched myself whining. Like I'd only just found someone to tattle to... I spat out the awkwardness of my current situation. Even so, it didn't feel refreshing. It felt that way on both sides.
I only threw up as much as I'd eaten — no exaggeration. But the layers of feeling I'd quietly smoothed out on my own have been dug back up. Like the burn in your throat after you've vomited from drinking too much —
On my way home, at Super Matcha in Seongsu-dong, I managed to have an "ichi-go ichi-e" moment with a Super Matcha Grand.
Tracing memory quietly, smoothing down my heart, writing it out word by word... it seems that what I felt was the backflow of a feeling stirred up by my long-unmet need for belonging.
I'm grateful. Grateful for this time, this time of looking back.
