Self-esteem is literally a heart that respects and loves oneself. It's also self-assurance — a belief in oneself.
Self-assurance means the perception that one is "worthwhile," and the confidence that one can overcome life's difficulties.
But this self-love and self-assurance isn't built by sheer grit. It's not something that simply arises with an unconditional willpower of "no matter what, I will love and trust myself." (p. 244)
(Ye Byeong-il's Economy Note)
Nothing in life is as important as "self-esteem." At the same time, there's no one who doesn't wrestle with self-esteem. That's because of "comparing ourselves to others" — part of human nature.
That's why even someone who seemingly has it all can compare themselves with someone who looks slightly better, or get stuck on public evaluations, and suffer from lowered self-esteem.
Self-esteem is self-love, self-belief, self-assurance, self-confidence. To build self-esteem, you can't let yourself be swayed or pulled around by comparison with others or external evaluation. Comparisons have no end, and external evaluations are often determined by factors unrelated to your efforts. That means there's always a chance your self-belief and self-assurance could drop.
Psychiatrist Yoon Dae-hyun advises that to build self-esteem, it's better to aim at "essential values" than at "external criteria" set by comparison. And he says you need the guts to set a valuable goal of your own and move toward it, whether or not others recognize it.
Goals should be modest rather than overly idealistic. For example, if you're a comedian, rather than "secure several regular TV slots," something like "even if there's only one audience member, become a comedian who can comfort their heart with humor" is a better goal for strengthening self-esteem.
When goals are faithful to subjective values like this, self-esteem rises and performance improves, and the author says people with such modest goals are actually more likely to become long-running popular comedians.
"Rather than unrealistic goals, set valuable and achievable goals — even small-looking ones — and repeatedly experience the feeling of success to build self-efficacy."
Building "self-esteem" while staying faithful to the values you treasure, without getting pulled by comparison or external evaluation.
That is the path to a happy and fulfilling life.
(Charles's normal memo)
Something Kim Eo-jun once said comes to mind. Not exactly, but: "Pride forms based on comparative advantage over others, while self-esteem arises from acknowledging one's existence itself." Pride is relative and variable, so it inevitably swings as the object or environment changes. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is absolute and unchanging. It's the realization that one's very existence is meaningful and valuable.
A person who seems to have "strong pride" ignores people they consider "beneath" them, and either blindly reveres or dismisses those they see as above them. Ironically, they consistently show a dismissive tendency. This happens because when relative deprivation passes a certain threshold, they can't bear it themselves and cognitive dissonance forms.
I was about to write "for example.." but I deleted it. Thinking of people who might by chance be in that example situation, I felt sorry. It could be the past me, or the future me. I can change too. Of course, I'm not bulletproof with self-esteem myself.
I write this less to look back and remember later, and more because I want to face this thought right now.
