Self-analysis.
Habits I keep repeating even though I tell myself I shouldn’t.
- Food cravings: meat, fried food, cigarettes, fullness, a hungry heart.
- Thought cravings: blame as escape, lack, bad faith, dissatisfaction, sleep, self-reproach/regret (the easiest escape),
and the stress I create for myself by perceiving a non-issue as a serious problem.
- Sex cravings: the empty, fabricated loneliness.
- Sleep cravings: sleep not because I’m tired but as escape — bad faith dressed up as “I’m comforting myself.”
I know most of these hungry desires will never be resolved, yet when the moment comes, through ad-hoc
self-pity and bad faith,
I end up as a participant in the very “poverty culture” and “kinless society.”
Without the gaze of others, I don’t act according to my original intention,
and don’t find motivation.
When I’m at home and I eat sweets, or sleep, or watch TV, the reason is ultimately self-pity and bad faith.
The important question isn’t “should I go to the café or not”;
it’s “what am I going to think about and do, and how much am I going to spend on it?”
But I’m always buried in the question “where should I go,”
and I may be skipping the questions “what” and “why.”
