The book 'The Psychology of 27- and 30-Year-Olds' had a huge influence on me.. years passed, and right around the time I was actually turning thirty, the second book came out.. I'd had it for about a year.. and a few days ago while cleaning up, I bumped into it by chance in the corner over there.. 'Ah... so this is where it was-' I flipped through it and read a few lines.
Boom-
It's all completely - my story..
On the way back to the dorm, since it didn't fit in my packed bag, I awkwardly carried it home in my hands along with another book. I take it on my commute too. Even though I'm only writing about it today.. still, it's a good thing.
That I've finally made a start-
Looking back, I lived my thirties as if they were homework. I was always anxious - thinking about how to be loved and recognized as much as possible by other people - and I couldn't enjoy the work. Instead, I lived as if chased, gripped by the fear that if I didn't do my work properly, I'd be left behind.
... Instead of saying "I have to ~," go with "I want to ~" or "this makes me happy." Geniuses can't beat people who put in the effort, and people who put in the effort can't beat people who enjoy what they do.
- Kim Hye-nam, from the prologue of [Psychology Answers Thirty-Year-Olds]
Maybe what we should truly fear in this world are people who have eyes but can't see beauty, who have ears but don't listen to music, and who have hearts but can't understand what is true, can't be moved, and on top of that can't even set the passion in their chest on fire...
- Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, from [Totto-chan: The Little Girl at the Window]
The British writer Oscar Wilde defined a cynic as "a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." People who look at the world cynically, just like the fox who couldn't reach the grapes and so decided the grapes were worthless, turn everything they can't have into something worthless. It's an attitude of "if I can't have it, smash it."
The reason cynicism is dangerous is because of the nihilism, helplessness, anger, and destructive force packed inside it. The helplessness of "no matter how hard I try, it's no use" destroys the value of what we want, so we stop desiring it. That's why cynics step one pace back from reality, become bystanders, and laugh at everything. Passion, agony, suffering - they're all just objects of mockery.
But behind that cynical laugh, there's a hidden face crying, afraid of being abandoned, afraid of being hurt.
Quietly look into your own heart for a moment. You used to want something desperately. But for one reason or another, you ended up unable to attain what you wanted. So you got so angry that you simply pushed the world aside for a while. But now you're afraid. You feel that even if you let go of the cynicism, you still won't get what you want, so you don't want to try anything at all. You're afraid that your inferior, lacking self will be exposed to the world, that you'll fail and be laughed at by people, and that you'll be abandoned by them.
- Kim Hye-nam, from chapter 2 of [Psychology Answers Thirty-Year-Olds]
Now I know that every single piece of suffering I went through in my life came from worrying alone about 'what other people might think of me'.
- Oprah Winfrey, from [Oprah Winfrey: The Woman Who Became a Legend]
Without realizing it, you may be working hard to score points with people who dislike you.
At times like that, recall the people who love you. Don't assume that just because they love you now, they'll keep loving you the same way forever. From now on, take back the energy you've been spending on people who dislike you, and pour it generously on the people who love you.
- Kim Hye-nam, from chapter 3 of [Psychology Answers Thirty-Year-Olds]
