Psychology Answers Thirty-Year-Olds. _Reading 3 (self-pity)

May 5th.. and after,
June 2nd, the first post..

It feels like just yesterday.. no, since I rested for a few days(?).. like the day before yesterday.. and yet a whole month has passed.
Of course, a lot of things happened.
During the time I'd planned to blog, I was working.

But to say I couldn't because of that — knowing all too well that the same thing will happen with other things going forward —
I take a cool, hard switch to myself.

Everyone has their own circumstances,
and everyone's conditions are tight.
The only thing different between those who do it and those who don't is their longing and desperation.

Reflecting and reflecting, I leave the writing below..






- Self-pity is the 'narcissistic self-state' shown by people who haven't found from others the emotional response they want. 

- Those caught in self-pity have a strong need for dependence, and roam in search of an idealized object — wise, powerful, understanding — who can restore their weakened ego.

- When they meet that object, behaviors of trying to manipulate and exploit them appear in clumsy, childish ways.


In this case, unconditionally giving the other person understanding, empathy, and consolation is, in fact, dangerous.
Because they cannot move past the pain and instead become fixated on it. 

For instance, the moment you stop taking their side, they immediately say,
"How can someone like you, of all people, do this to me? Why are you talking as if I'm the one at fault?
And how can you say it so coldly without your expression even changing?"

That's why one must always maintain a neutral attitude.
One must empathize with the problem but not judge or take sides — making the person face the problem so they can realize it on their own,
clarifying the cause of the problem, and helping interpret its consequences.
If one feels excessive sympathy or takes sides, no further progress can be made.