Preparation Workout

A serious midlife burnout has hit me
Unlike the one in my thirties, this one comes not as exhaustion but as fear

Even as I flounder in deep helplessness and relative deprivation,
I still occasionally pay attention to the simple fact that I am alive, just as I am, right now
Like a flower that once bloomed alone in the depths of a forest,
like a leaf once stuck alone on a paved asphalt road,
that, too, is its own complete handful of life

When I eat, when I walk, when I sleep, when I wake up,
when I read a book, when I search the internet, when I code, when I blog,
I try to immerse myself in perceiving each moment as it actually is

That is how
I am building a body in the manner of my twenties
and a perception in the manner of my twenties

In the unusually turbulent personal situation I'm in lately,
I look back at how I was in my twenties
and recall along with it that one cycle I went through during my time in the military

I look at the things I can change
and pay attention to the ones I have particularly disliked, changing them one by one




Five years ahead
Three years
Two years
Six months

I'm warming up — body and mind.