There are many ways to read oneself.
Among them, the easiest and fastest is to read a book. That said, the old saying that what comes easy is lost just as easily does not exactly miss the mark here either. Of course, I do not think anyone would take the bewildering step of giving up reading because of that.
Another way is to use the other person as a mirror to see myself. This one is very hard. If you receive the other emotionally or misread their intent, identification can happen, where you start to resemble the other. So I think some psychological background is very much needed. (* Identification = the phenomenon where the state of mind or behavior of the other person becomes the same as your own.)
Also, instead of looking at and judging the other person's behavior itself, you need to first understand the cause, motivation, and environment behind that behavior, which takes time. (Here, 'needing time' is not just a nicely polished phrase about not making hasty judgments and holding a middle position; it means…) You have to accept and endure the internal and external misunderstandings and rumors that arise in the gap of that time. You need the problem-solving capacity to work through that situation—whether it is an interpersonal one or an inner psychological conflict.
For that reason, I want to practice 'using the other person as a mirror to see myself.' Or, loosely put, it is more like a bit of grumbling I hope to exchange over a drink with the me who might become me in the future.
Prologue
Not only the recent Sewol ferry disaster, but also public opinion on politics, the organizations each of us belong to, or driving a car, riding a bus, or taking the subway in daily life—we frequently notice the boundary between sense and nonsense.
And we easily slide into arguments about the rational and the irrational, the reasonable and the absurd.
Mirroring Myself Through the Other 09 — The Fallacy of Confirmation Bias
Unconsciously, we
base our judgments on the various emotions—regret, pleasure, pity—we have felt across our own lived experience,
so that, before the thing in front of us has even ended, or
without having understood or experienced the object, we already evaluate it.
If, as expected, the result is negative, we feel a little awkward at the time, but our first impression does not change.
If the result (or the experience) is the same as our first thought, we say, 'See, I knew it.'
Even more, that expected outcome often turns out to resemble what we expected.
So is years of experience the answer? Well…
My personal take is…
Don't stop at your own judgment.
Ask whether, in making that judgment come true as a situation,
you have been contributing to it internally or externally.
