There are many ways to read oneself.
Among them, the easiest and fastest is to read a book. That said, the old saying that what comes easy is lost just as easily does not exactly miss the mark here either. Of course, I do not think anyone would take the bewildering step of giving up reading because of that.
Another way is to use the other person as a mirror to see myself. This one is very hard. If you receive the other emotionally or misread their intent, identification can happen, where you start to resemble the other. So I think some psychological background is very much needed. (* Identification = the phenomenon where the state of mind or behavior of the other person becomes the same as your own.)
Also, instead of looking at and judging the other person's behavior itself, you need to first understand the cause, motivation, and environment behind that behavior, which takes time. (Here, 'needing time' is not just a nicely polished phrase about not making hasty judgments and holding a middle position; it means…) You have to accept and endure the internal and external misunderstandings and rumors that arise in the gap of that time. You need the problem-solving capacity to work through that situation—whether it is an interpersonal one or an inner psychological conflict.
For that reason, I want to practice 'using the other person as a mirror to see myself.' Or, loosely put, it is more like a bit of grumbling I hope to exchange over a drink with the me who might become me in the future.
Prologue
Not only the recent Sewol ferry disaster,but also public opinion on politics, the organizations each of us belong to, or driving a car, riding a bus, or taking the subway in daily life—we frequently notice the boundary between sense and nonsense.
And we easily slide into arguments about the rational and the irrational, the reasonable and the absurd.
Mirroring Myself Through the Other 08 — Critique and Condemnation
Assessment without alternatives only dissolves an organization. It is also dangerous and irresponsible behavior. It mostly happens when one is so consumed by one's own desire (others' gaze) that there is no room left to consider the situation.
Advice? Criticism? Must be preceded by empathy for each opposing situation and role. Judging a visible conclusion without knowing its causes invariably sets up an even less controllable angle of confrontation.
The kind of criticism and evaluation said to be 'for everyone(?)' can be done by anyone. But when we take responsibility for our criticism or critique, seek the answer ourselves, and do not pass the answer to the problem we actively raised onto someone else, that, I think, is where we move from condemnation to genuine critique or critique.
When you, in your passion, surface a problem you have discovered, do not forget to ask yourself: as soon as you spotted the problem, wasn't it the hungry reporter's urge to chase a 'scoop'? Isn't something grand called 'not standing by, not letting it slide' or a hero complex riding on your back? Isn't the very act of sharing an uncomfortable situation with others, or the satisfaction or thrill of seeing others react to your opinion, what you are really after?
Every time, you need to check yourself.
This is not, of course, some outward declaration of heroic or upright living; it is merely an action or a record of an intention—that I will not relax my own alertness, so I do not soak in my own notions and live the world by my own judgment and yardstick.
