There are many ways to read oneself.
Among them, the easiest and fastest is to read a book. That said, the old saying that what comes easy is lost just as easily does not exactly miss the mark here either. Of course, I do not think anyone would take the bewildering step of giving up reading because of that.
Another way is to use the other person as a mirror to see myself. This one is very hard. If you receive the other emotionally or misread their intent, identification can happen, where you start to resemble the other. So I think some psychological background is very much needed. (* Identification = the phenomenon where the state of mind or behavior of the other person becomes the same as your own.)
Also, instead of looking at and judging the other person's behavior itself, you need to first understand the cause, motivation, and environment behind that behavior, which takes time. (Here, 'needing time' is not just a nicely polished phrase about not making hasty judgments and holding a middle position; it means…) You have to accept and endure the internal and external misunderstandings and rumors that arise in the gap of that time. You need the problem-solving capacity to work through that situation—whether it is an interpersonal one or an inner psychological conflict.
For that reason, I want to practice 'using the other person as a mirror to see myself.' Or, loosely put, it is more like a bit of grumbling I hope to exchange over a drink with the me who might become me in the future.
Mirroring Myself Through the Other 04 — Lowering Yourself Gracefully
Judgments or phenomena we call disappointment or misunderstanding usually occur when our expectation of the other person, the situation, or the product changes from start to finish. In other words, the factual phenomenon itself does not become the basis for judgment; it can be interpreted differently depending on the state of mind of the one making the judgment.
Close-to-hand examples: different feelings that arise from the same scenery, or what happens when you finally lift the spoon at a long-waited-for famous restaurant, or the way newly released films land differently…
I think human relationships are no different. For example, the actions of a trusted National Assembly member or an unexpected action by a celebrity will be the talk of the town and drawn fingers. Some people will get heated and fired up about such events, while others shrug them off.
I'm not sure exactly how related the context is, but at our recent book club meeting, I was reminded of something a younger friend I have much to learn from said. "You need to lower yourself gracefully in everyday life."
As an example, he brought up Kang Ho-dong, and it was roughly like this: on his shows, he appeals to the audience by being 'appropriately' 'simple-headed.' (Yoo Jae-seok and other famous entertainers… come to think of it, most entertainers do the same thing.) Through that, he delivers unexpected emotion and sincerity.
As for similar cases we might unconsciously meet in everyday life… a chic, beat-heavy rapper singing a lonely ballad with longing; a folk or trot singer nailing the latest pop song; a boyfriend who usually fools around but stays quietly serious at his girlfriend's family events… There are many such examples.
Like a romantic comedy—laughing and joking for a long stretch, then leaving a deep emotion at the end.
Come to think of it, in times like these we are in, is it not exactly that kind of person we need?
Futurists describe this as the 'age of over-connection.'
(Since my college days I have been calling this phenomenon the 'age of the popularization of art.' It is a similar context but also considers motivation of behavior rather than only the phenomenon. I was also double-majoring in Western painting at the time, so I was likely influenced by that. Of course the fact that 'Dadaism' was one of my subjects back then probably played a role too.)
In terms of products, expensive products, luxury products, and cheap products—but also pretty products, bang-for-the-buck products, and unique one-of-a-kind products—are pouring out endlessly. There are tons of products shouting about how great they are. (Of course, not only products: services and people are the same.)
Access to producing and delivering information has fallen drastically low. It is an era in which anyone can be the main character.
Each of their shouts fills our text-message and email space. And not just there—open your eyes and there is hardly a place it is not happening. Perhaps that is why Muji does not put labels on their products.
In that sense, my friend's remark recently has been a mirror in which I see myself.
Lowering yourself gracefully.
