The past two weeks
Even as I witness the fear that the absence of conviction and loyalty brings,
I have no proper plan, so I'm not speaking up about it,
just pathetically scraping by.
I've had various ideas, but the very first button of feasibility is hard to fasten.
1. Without a clear budget, it's hard to plan.
- A little money is adding up, but I need to sort it out from several angles
2. I haven't actually been making time for myself — for visioning
- All my time goes to venting stress, filling my meals, and digesting them
3. Small failures have accumulated into a wall that's already pretty high
- English, coding, reading, sorting out my USB drives, sorting out BMs, stamina and weight, skin
4. Confidence, drive, and cause aren't managing to clear the brutal reality.
- I think it's because I'm alone. Above all, loneliness seems to be what's making me most helpless.
- (Self-answer...) No... "I can't do it because I'm lonely" is an excuse. In the end, isn't it that I can't even love my own self?
