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Slow Days·서른 사내의 생각

Humans Desire the Desire of Others

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“Humans desire the desire of others.”

While logging in to Nate, I happened to see a post by Miss So-jeong — an old benefactor of normal — and thought, ah!! (ba-dum!)
These days I’ve been looking up and reading writings related to psychology and philosophy.
Originally it was for my personal study for UX and HCI work,
but from some point on it’s becoming a personal taste of mine.
(Right now I’m reading a book called How to Live as an Existentialist.)

Anyway — straight to Google! Haha. Ooh~ the world really is wide. More things I have to study! Eek~
(For now I’ll reference what seems to be the most relevant? post, with the source. ^^ Thank you!)


Jacques Lacan

Look into our desires. The preferred profession, the preferred spouse, and so on — aren’t they all things that Others had already designated as objects of desire before we were even born? The “subject” of desire “can only be a subject insofar as it is subjected to the field of the Other.” We do not invent the object of desire; it is assigned to us by the Other.

Humans desire the desire of others.
Human desire is the desire of the Other.

If “saying easy things in a difficult way” is what philosophers are supposed to do,
then translating those difficult words into terms that fit oneself is the job of the reader.

When a baby smiles, parents clap and delight in it.
When the baby is about to roll over, parents wait so as not to miss the moment.
When the baby takes its first step, or speaks its first “mama,” parents let the baby know it’s doing well through applause and laughter.

For a baby, this process is close to instinct in the course of growth and development.
Doing what mom or dad likes… that is the baby’s desire.
In other words, you could say the baby’s desire is what mom and dad desire.

But until when should we keep handing over the subject of our desire to others??
Because the subject of desire is the other’s desire…
that is, instead of doing what I want to do, I treat what others have designated as desire as my own desire, and live that way…
The more cognitive ability we develop, the more higher education we receive, the more numb we become to our own desires.

Ask yourself!!!
Have you lived true to your own desires, without feeling ashamed before yourself??

My answer would be something like, “I’ve tried to live that way.”
It may have some connection to being selfish.
Even at the cost of being called selfish, I mostly do what I want to do.
Not thoroughly so, but the gaze or opinions of others don’t really sway my decisions!
I find what I want to do and only feel at peace after I’ve done it, so I can say I live, to some degree, doing what I want.
(Though maybe the downside is that there aren’t that many things I want to do.)

> Source: http://hanihoni.tistory.com/290

Psychoanalysis as an approach to the secret of the subject

> Additional info: http://navercast.naver.com/contents.nhn?rid=88&contents_id=490



From my discharge, through college life, up to normalstory — it was like that…

But honestly… after that, I’m not so sure. They call that “social life”… 

After going along with it and watching how it turned out, all I can say is: well… I don’t know. Personally, I try not to lose my instinct, but…


I’ve gotten much lazier, my health has gotten worse. I have more negative sides than positive ones, and even my face seems to have changed.

I try to plant nudges here and there to create an environment for a better version of me. But through the social life I can’t be the subject of, or the environment and conditions I face as one of its members, I feel I’m being affected by yet more hurdles of life…


This English version was translated by Claude.

친절한 찰쓰씨
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친절한 찰쓰씨

Pleasant Charles — UI/UX researcher at AIT. Keeping notes on design, planning, and slow days here since 2010.

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