Finding myself..
1. What am I?
1) What am I, to myself?
2) What is that "I" to someone else?
3) How are those "I's" doing right now?
2. Where am I going?
1) Where am I right now?
2) Where am I heading right now?
3) What does it mean "to go" somewhere?
— July 1, 2012, at dawn, midway through 1,080 prostrations...
By pure chance, a very small matter brought me face to face with a very unfamiliar thought..
For some, it may feel too removed from reality, or needlessly sentimental..
Perhaps it is too late a thought..
The me of my teens,
the me of my twenties,
and now, the me who has just crossed into his early thirties,
are so different.
Thirty-one years old..
I hold many thoughts, dream, want, and complain,
but I act with less than half the half of those thoughts,
and already here we are, on some day in July.
Today, for the first time in a long while, I'm on the way down to Daejeon to see my parents.
How well do I plan to live —
how wildly do I plan to succeed —
that I live this breathlessly busy?...
Is this really the kind of "busy" I wanted,
or just the kind I somehow ended up in?
Suddenly, the thought of someone who folded up a perfectly good business
and set off for Daejeon to live with his family
flickered through my head..
Up until now I'd visit at most every two weeks,
but because this time it had been a while,
my mother and father came out to meet me.
I even went off to my military service alone..
Those parents, even, came out to meet me.
I guess this is what the years do..
I guess this is what life is..
Suddenly, I feel sorry for everyone.. and truly — it aches to see them.
